Anyway, perhaps because I had a shitty month or so, or because my boyfriend is finishing up his dissertation and I've got to have inspiration enough for two, or because I really respect the life choices of my friend who first posted the video, or because I just couldn't convince myself to write my dissertation anymore, I put in my earbuds and gave a listen.
And it struck a chord.
I've got my own closet to come out of. And for me, it's hard.
Imtakingnextsemesteroffandhikingtheappalachiantrailwithjesse.
Okay. Again. I'm going to take a semester off of my phd program and hike the Appalachian trail. A nearly 2200 mile journey across 14 states from Georgia to Maine.
This post isn't my first admission. I've told my advisor, and she's supportive. I've told committee members, they are down. I've shared it with other grad students in the department, huzzah. Jesse has told his family, and they are stoked (even if we will miss the birth if his twin nieces).
I wasn't surprised by this next fact. I've been dreading telling my parents. I told them. They are not supportive. That was my closet. My cousin doesn't get it, but she wants me to be happy. The guys in my family, they love me but don't really think its a good idea. My mother shhhhed me, and when I bring it up the tension is palpable. She told dad (cuz that's how it works in the family), and he's flat out told me no.
I'm a 29 year old woman who has made all the grown up, right decisions for pretty much ever. I've always wanted to do a hike like his, and I am finally in a supportive relationship with a person who wants this adventure as much as I do. The opportunity has knocked. I see that it's selfish to put aside my phd for 6 months and do something that won't directly further me as a person professionally or personally in the traditional sense. But this adventure will further me personally, in my own offbeat way
And I don't think I've ever done something directly against my parents wishes. i knew I wouldnt find support for this endeavor from them, but I guess I wish they had surprised me, because they always do support me. And in the end, I know they still love me regardless. But man, at least half of the stress I've had for the last 2 months has been wrapped up in coming out of my Appalachian trail closet. Not because I didn't know how they were going to react, but because I did. I knew I would get told 'no' and for once, I wasn't going to do as I was told. I knew this, but it doesn't change how much it hurts. (and yes, I also know I'm 1/3 of the way thru my life and still seeking approval, but I was raised to respect, so to me, this is a byproduct of that)
And I'm nervous and excited and scared and a whole bundle of things, and I'd like to share that with them. Hell, they are the reason I moved back to Michigan. But for right now, I'm planning, packing, and prepping for the trail.
